THE BATTLE OF THE SEXES
If you've ever listened to a small baby cooing and prattling to itself, you'll know they make an amazing range of sounds - the basic components of all the languages in the world. After about 6 months, this range narrows down, and the baby reproduces only the sounds which occur in its own family's speech. Ten years later, the child will have to make a conscious effort to pronounce a French "tu" or a German "ich". In the same way, some fascinating studies of gender have suggested that male and female behaviour and attitudes are not inborn; it's the subtle cues we get from other people that make us keep some habits and attitudes, and drop others.
This should be an encouraging thought for men, who are now hearing from all sides that they are at a disadvantage these days in the workplace. The need for aggressive, macho attitudes is said to be a thing of the past; men must learn feminine skills. But if the experts are right, there are no exclusively feminine skills; the capacity for empathy, sensitivity in handling people, and intuitive thinking are naturally inherent in men just as much as in women. The basic emotional responses are already there; the question is, how can men rediscover them?
The first part of the answer has to be through training, though it won't be easy. Many men, perhaps especially those with more traditional values, will display instant hostility to the suggestion that they get in touch with their feminine side, and make disparaging remarks about hugging each other in team meetings and crying in the Gents. This defensiveness is partly automatic, but in some cases may hide a real fear of displaying weakness and vulnerability. From such people, a complete change of attitude is too much to expect; but making small changes may give them the confidence to relax, and then move a little further along the path to emotional openness. Training will have to be very carefully constructed, offering men opportunities to discuss real-life situations and appropriate responses to them. It can be very helpful to put forward male role models who display these qualities and have also been successful in the trainees' own field. I think it's important to point out the continued usefulness of "masculine" skills too, for both men and women; there are many occasions when it is appropriate to be cool, assertive and rapidly decisive.
The second line of approach is to look at the structure of the organisation as a whole. Is it set up in such a way that the development of feminine skills is practically impossible? A traditional hierarchical system offers clarity about responsibility, but emphasises status and power. It encourages a culture of blame when things go wrong. A flatter structure with shared team responsibilities is already seen as desirable in many modern firms. The approach to such matters as working hours, holidays and job-sharing - not just what the contract says, but what the organisation really expects from its staff - will send strong messages about whether family life is seen to be important, or whether the most valued employee is the single-minded, dedicated careerist. And it's no good paying lip service to the importance of communication without setting up a system of regular, frequent meetings. They need not be long, but everyone must know they won't be cancelled or skipped by senior staff.
No culture is static, and ours is certainly changing fast. The assumptions of a man in his twenties about gender are already very different from those of a man nearing retirement. The efforts we make now to promote the spread of feminine skills may be "just common sense" to the new generation. And any firm that does not take trouble to promote them may soon appear seriously behind the times.